Politicians Like Sex, That’s Not News

Originally published by Ladybud Magazine

I recently came across an article called “Your Guide To Everything Wrong With Huma Abedin.” Obviously, the author is mocking the abounding theories as to just what is wrong with Huma to continue to stand by her husband Anthony Weiner.

A quick digest of Weiner’s pun-happy wiener scandal: Weiner, a former Congressional Representative from the State of New York got caught tweeting a picture of his bulge encased in some gray boxer-briefs in 2011. It came out that he was “sexting” a handful of women who he claimed to never have a physical relationship. He resigned under public criticism and declared his sex addiction, cured that, went on to have a picture-perfect marriage with Huma Abedin. They posed together for an article with their young child in People Magazine to declare to the world that everything is wholesome and copacetic in their marital union. Until recently, it looked like he was making his political comeback by leading the polls in the New York City Mayoral race– that is, until he was caught sexting uncovered dick pics under the amusing handle “Carlos Danger.” Now he is struggling to keep up in the polls.

Ok, so now that you are caught up, it’s time to discuss just what is wrong with Huma Abedin. Is it, as the always articulate dipshit Rush Limbaugh put it, because “she is a Muslim and therefore completely submissive and docile to her husband’s whims?” Or maybe it’s because she is a power-hungry penis-envying aspiring politician, like Hillary Clinton, to whom she worked for for many years?

To both those archaic and offensive assertions about Huma (and Hillary) and her relationship with her husband, I say a big “Who the fuck cares?!” These are politicians, not tabloid stars. I frankly don’t care how Anthony Weiner gets his dick wet on the side, maybe they have an arrangement? Does it really matter?

I feel about this the same way I felt about it when I heard all the details of former President Bill Clinton getting his Washington Monument polished under his desk in the Oval Office. Good for him, at least he wasn’t deploying drone strikes abroad while he had an afternoon delight. If it doesn’t have anything to do with the actual job We the People hired him to do then it doesn’t matter. Weiner’s obsession with Tweeting his junk may possibly speak to his character but he was hired to represent a district, not be the model of moral turpitude for all New Yorkers.

I’d rather focus on what politicians do while they are on the job, not what they do on their off time, that is of course, unless they keep busy on their “off time” running a major corporation that destroys our planet without consequence.

Meet San Diego mayor Bob Filner, he's addicted to sex too.

Meet San Diego mayor Bob Filner, he’s “addicted to sex” too.

I do care, however, when politicians use sex on the job to exploit staffers. Take for instance, San Diego MayorBob Filner, the lovable guy who would put women in headlocks and force his verbal and physical sexual abuse on them. He has also declared sex addiction, claims he is going away to a rehab for two weeks to cure that lil’ problem, but won’t resign. “Real sorry about that, not my fault, I can’t help myself, you understand, right?”

This scandal is drastically different from Weiner’s wang shots because he perpetrated his acts of disgusting creepy old man on women, on the job, unwanted and in an abusive manner. He should resign because he abused women on the taxpayer dime. San Diegans shouldn’t have to pay for that creep to lord over them one more second. 

But, in 2013, why does someone have to be “addicted to sex” to have it outside the confines of a marriage? Why does a politician need to even be married to get elected anymore? It’s 2013, we all know the picture-perfect 1950s domesticated nuclear family persona has always been a joke.

I say let them pay for hookers, with their own money. Sure we pay them with taxes but I don’t want someone dictating how I spend my money either. On that note, legalize prostitution while we’re at it. It’s really none of your business what Huma and Anthony do with their naked bodies, although sure, it’s an amusing anecdote in a world full of terrible news.

Stop being distracted by politicians being human (or the ability of a certain British couple to procreate). Pay attention instead to what they are doing in public on your dime– what you may find is far more despicable than a couple penis shots.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s